So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
