ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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