My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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