im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
