you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
