i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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