I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize