Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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