so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
