I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
