12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
