I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
