woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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