I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i'm inner monologue high
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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