i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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