just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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