She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
