I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
