The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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