tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
