dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
