so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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