Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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