Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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