Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
