btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
