First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize