just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
