Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
