When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
