we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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