I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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