she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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