the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
