we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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