my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
