yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
