VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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