I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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