Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
