We won't sleep together?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
