Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
