when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
