you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
