Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
