YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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