I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
