Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
