I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
