is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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