We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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