Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
