Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
