i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
