You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
