I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
