How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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