I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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