Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
