She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
