She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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