the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
