Sponge bath it is.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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