I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
