i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
