My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
