the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize