just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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