I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
