Bisexual people are plain selfish.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
