I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
