she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they need to just BURY HIM!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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