I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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