found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
