I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize