I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
