Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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